Some of you might have been seeing me post more enlightenment quotes and sharing inspirational stories on my social media channels, this was because I was able to come back to being centered.
I would say my spiritual awakening, or realization of true self began in 2003 when I went back home after a heartbreaking relationship. I was at my lowest points; pushed my friends and family away and was literally alone and depressed. My mother took me to see a couple of pastors. in which at first I hesitant because of the stigma of religious practices. But boy, was I wrong. What they taught me was life itself, and yes, they did merge some biblical references, but it was more of seeing a life coach than a pastor who saw my pain and shine. I took their advice and practiced them. But one thing always stuck with me, because whoever I saw, they told my mum, “your son is going to have a bright future, very bright!” It was encouraging to hear but I was perplexed and in denial because I thought they probably told everybody that.
I returned to Australia and my life did a complete 180. Finished my undergraduate degree with flying colors that my grades mostly consisted of high distinctions and distinctions. I reconnected with my best friend, and I made amazing friends that I have now. Also, my friends of 20+ years happened to move to the same town, and we were all able to create our little ‘TZ crew’ which was heart-warming.
Then I enrolled into my post-graduate degree, and it started off great but some of the negative challenges I faced kept creeping back. I tried to escape those thoughts by diving into social norms like social media and clubbing. Things unraveled quickly and I had to see a counselor throughout the duration of my course because the inner me was being conflicted with my self-image.
I always knew about the law of attraction, but never heavily practiced it. It was one point that changed my life. Upon my last semester there was a government building in construction and my sister told me that she will work there. The building was captivating and bright. Every time I finished classes, I would look at it and say “I am going to work there one day!”
My semester was ending, and I was working at a call center. I didn’t like the nature of the job, but I loved helping people. By chance, I was talking to a friend of mine who sent me resumes from the government, and I kept applying but got no response. People told me that it is beyond impossible, but something in me ignored their beliefs and followed mine. Then came one role, which was perfect – an entry role assisting social media/admin work for my state, including the multicultural demographic. I applied and forgot about it.
Got a call to do an interview and I panicked. By chance my best-friend was well versed in interviews, and we sat at a bar to practice. His advice was to just be myself since I have a charming personality, as they have seen my resume hence why I got the call. Also, to not get too technical and wordy since I at times talk in such a proper manner. Went to do the interview and got the job. Everything was synced up for me, and I was on an all-time high.
The team were amazing and helpful. I started my role when they had their Christmas work party and I was lucky that I could see them with their hair down. Months went by when I was on this blissful path, then these negative phases kept popping up and affecting my work to personal relationships. Saw another counselor and things got better.
Then I started to see repeated patterns. A common one was my dating life. They would start off strong then another party will enter, or something drastic will happen which will come to an end. All of these were beautiful people and who all were head over heels into me, but it was a pattern that I couldn’t describe. I used to blame them for their inconsistencies, but it was all me (not the other party aspect – I aint like that lol). That was when I had to look within myself and see what this was all about.
As you do, I googled ‘negative life patterns in relationships’ and it led me back to law of attraction and the many facets of it. I studied a lot and tried techniques to change my circumstances. Still nothing really changed, well the relationships lasted longer but things just didn’t click. That was when I met T. I didn’t realize how much I was into him. I was acting nonchalant in the beginning until my friends all said, “I like this one, keep him” The more we talked, the more I found out that we were compatible. But the timing was off, it was right before the pandemic. We did keep in contact every day, and it was the most heart-warming, trustful, and open thing that I have ever encountered.
And yup, you guessed it. Things were starting to creep up within me again, but luckily, he had to travel somewhere with no network (he still contacts me from time to time) to help his family. I admit, at first, I was hesitant and greedy. But my intuition told him to go, since I wanted to heal myself before things get worse, plus I can’t be that dick to not let someone see their family.
Once he left, I went back into reading what is wrong with me. I delved deep into the law of attraction YouTube videos and found Dylan James – who is my coach and good friend. Saw his videos, joined the Facebook group and we started talking. We have the same humor and mindset, plus his aura was captivating.
One night I got drunk, laid in bed, and had this huge sense of neediness. Messaged Dylan because I could see it getting worse. That was when he gifted me the book ‘Letting Go: Pathway of Surrender’ by David Hawkins. This moment changed my life!
I finished that book in days. It opened so much about me and emotions. I learnt that I was linking my thoughts to different emotions, which is normal. But one emotion can link to an infinite number of thoughts. So, what I was feeling was the emotion, although the thought triggered it, but I had that emotion. This is where I realized that back then when I was going through my highs and lows, I was emotionally purging. I would feel bad, then go deep into my thoughts, cry them out, then come out in a different vibration.
So, I started to meditate again, and let my feelings rise and purge them out. This time it was deeper and more intense. Trust me, it is not a delightful process! As you will have days where you are happy, then days where you are lethargic and down. But the more you do it, the better you feel. And due to your vibrations, the more in sync and happier you are, the external circumstances (the visual world) reflects it back. During this process I managed to create and heal relationships for my loved ones, new jobs for friends, elevate people’s mindsets, and ironically that was when the state started to loosen up the lock-down laws. So as my vibrations got higher, my surroundings became more beautiful.
These feelings or emotions, all stemmed from unconscious trauma that I have had in the past which I suppressed. Involving from family to the time that I was beaten up in a club. I still had and still have so much emotions to go through, but I have never been so much lighter and happier. I even managed to unlock my creativity back again and see things in a more positive perspective. Like I have become a better person with a purpose for the world. I can only see my future getting brighter from now on, I guess they were right!