My friends and I were excited when the app launched. To the extreme that I remember wanting to switch to an iPhone because of the regular updates lol. Thank God I didn’t do that move.
Anyways, I was a regular user and in relation to my self-love post, I found that this app took majority of my time and made me look for validation from others. I started uploading the slutiest picture of me through testing it on Instagram first, then changing it whenever I didn’t get enough attention.
After my self-discovery, I was still on it but didn’t use it as often. And that is when things turned ugly quickly.
It started with people stealing my identity. Then when I go out, I would be approached by random people trying to talk to me but calling me different names. The one I remember the most, was this older gentleman who thought I was ‘Bob’ and talked to me for a year online. He told me he started to develop deep feelings for me. I felt bad breaking his heart and telling him that it wasn’t me, but I ended up giving him a hug and words of encouragement to keep searching for love.
After that, I received a mixture of guys sending endless messages with some ending up saying racist remarks because I wouldn’t give them attention. A few have confronted me in a club that now my friends get overprotective, but I find that behaviour pathetic and I ignore them. Once a guy called me the n word at a club and luckily the bouncer heard it and threw him out then banned him. Yes, it happens!
Then we have the ‘looking for friends only’ – the single and couples. I admit, I felt for that, and I genuinely met up with people as friends. My old housemate, who was an older gay man kept telling me that I am being naïve and that they want more. I have a loyal streak, so I defended them and said that’s not the case. He ended up being right, and I think I out of everybody, I’ve kept in contact with only one person.
Then you get the ‘I’m offering a service’ type of people. The most common ones are personal trainers and massage therapists. There’s a well-known trainer in my city who I’ll name X, that has been on Grindr, Tinder, Bumble – every app you can imagine! Who constantly barraged me with messages ranging from joining his gym to sexual advances in hopes that I will cave. As I am writing this, I was told that he continues to do this lol. Unfortunately, he has a rep now and his brand is tainted as the ‘hoe and thirsty trainer who rips people off’. Yes, some of my friends went to train with him and said he was wasn’t professional. And what is worse, is his nudes are being circulated.
That is one of the biggest peeves I have with that app. Nudes. You wouldn’t approach someone, say hi, take your clothes off, show off your goodies, put your clothes back on then say, ‘you keen?’. Yeah, that’s what I thought! Nowadays, people love to screen shot every picture and share it with their friends. I have probably seen majority of my friend’s nudes from somebody else and trust me I didn’t want to. At times, I would be at a club and meet new friends, then they will bring out their collection of nudes and show it to everybody on the table like it’s show and tell. It gets awkward at times giving your friend a hug then a picture of their legs up in the air flashes in your head. Cringe!
I admit, I did use to send nudes, but I was clever about it – I always had my face hidden. But I stopped when it got circulated onto Tumblr, then other black people started claiming it as their picture – y’all made me chuckle! But I wasn’t bothered because it was in the dark, a side picture on the bed and very pixelated with no front. Plus, you couldn’t see my tattoo either! But now with the circulation of nudes, people have started cat fishing and making Tumblr blogs such as brisbanenudes to name, shame and Instagram link the victims. Luckily Tumblr made their PG change, but the images are still on Twitter. Sorry y’all!
Be mindful that this is just my opinion. I don’t think I would date anybody off there, or yet alone let my partner be on there (I am a firm believer in monogamy). I know other people have had great experiences through Grindr and found love, and I am very happy for them. I am not saying don’t use the app, you can use it, find love, hoe around, have fun, be you. This is just my story.
And FYI, I am NOT on ANY dating apps, so please report if you see anyone using my pictures. Thanks xxoo
First of all you are a good writer- your authenticity and sincerity are felt . Secondly, you are allowing others who admire you for your real ness to accept the real ness in themselves. Thirdly, no matter who you are or how old we are we-all struggle with the same issues and if the information is shared by someone we admire and trust because we admire them being who they are – then you have done a great service. Check check check- Thank you for sharing your inspirational post.