“You need to date, you need to get laid, you need this, you need that”….SHUT THE FUCK UP!
These were the words that I kept hearing repeatedly that influenced my mind-set to think. ‘OMG, if I get that, then I would truly be happy!’ I did live like that for a couple of years, then when I broke that cycle and found self-love. That’s when my view of the world changed, and the attraction of other people was positive.
Not to brag, I didn’t have much of an issue getting dates in the past – from rugby players, car racers, entrepreneurs, singers, personal trainers, athletes etc. I used to be booked with 3+ dates a week, that my friends got tired and confused about hearing all that mess. But what was worse, was that once I got that date, my interest dissipated. Why was that? Because I got the validation that they like me, want me, and that was all where my mind was. There wasn’t much of an emotional connection. Although, I felt guilty when I came to my senses, because some of them were the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met.
I’m not an angel, I got flaws that I acknowledge, and I am working on them every day.
When I had that previous outlook, it was all about how others perceived me, and I had to have this constant validation from other people – this logic ended up making me emotionally exhausted. That is when I figured out that putting happiness into other people or objects is not true happiness. So, I took time off, reflected, and found love within myself.
Then recently, when my friends discovered that I have been celebrate for 6-7 years. The questions came rolling back again, and I slowly fell back to where I was mentally.
Let me just make it clear that the celibacy, was my choice. I decided to focus on my studies and my career, so I didn’t make dating a priority. I wanted to establish myself to a point where I felt comfortable to allow someone into my life. Only one person was close to breaking it throughout this phase, as we had a strong connection and it was unexpected. No, I wasn’t wearing some chastity belt, it’s just that sex wasn’t a priority.
Back to the post…
My mood shifted, my anxiety got higher, and I just felt something is not right. The only time I would feel like myself was when I was in the gym because I was focused, having fun, and felt comfortable. I was being the closest version of myself. Then when I got home, I couldn’t sleep well because my inner spirit wasn’t aligned. Going out heaps and drinking also contributed towards that, as clubbing to me, has a mixture of constant fakeness, people unloading their problems, whinging, drama etc. It can be very emotionally dragging. I prefer a relaxing night with close friends
So, I found self-love again by setting aside quiet time to just be with myself. And with a lot of research, I found a couple of steps that could summarize this:
- You must realize, and internalize, that attraction happens from the inside out.
Plastic surgery, gym, hair dyes, laser hair removal. You name it, it’s probably invented. It is great to look good, but attraction is more on how you feel about yourself.
“Naturally attractive” people spend less on aesthetics and more on creating an understanding of who they are. “They understand that attractiveness is not about what they wear, but how they wear it; it’s not about what they do, but how they do it.”
To create an authentic connection to oneself, you need to set aside time to self-reflect. Various people have different methods from meditation to yoga. Personally, I write journals about my feelings – if you want, some example of topics that you can answer are: “Who am I? What do I want? What is important to me?” These will guide your way to knowing yourself in a deeper way.
Once you become connected with your inner self then that energy will inspire others to want to connect with you too.
- You must take self-love seriously.
“To be highly attractive to others, you must be highly attractive to yourself. In other words, you have to cultivate a loving relationship with yourself.”
Pretty much, if you feel good about yourself, people will see that and will feel the same way about you too. So, don’t try to get validation from other people about a feeling that you should take ownership of. To feel and embody attractiveness, you must care for yourself, love yourself and trust yourself.
- Stop asking, “What’s attractive to others?” and start asking, “What’s attractive to me?”
This is my favourite step! Instead of trying to be what we think others want us to be, be who and what you want to be. And believe me, once you apply this, you’ll feel so good about yourself and your attractive energy goes way up.
“Remember, attractiveness reflects on how you feel about yourself. If you mould or change yourself for others, it means deep down, you doubt that you’re worthy as you are (even if this is unconscious). And if you doubt your worth, you can’t inspire strong feelings of attraction in other people.
By saying “F— it,” and “I’m ready to pave the path for my own journey!” you’re claiming yourself in a powerful way. You’re giving supreme importance to who you are and this, of course, commands respect from others. Self-possession makes others to want to take a stand for you, too.”
- You must practice accepting all parts of yourself, including your insecurities.
“No one is saying self-acceptance is easy; self-acceptance is a practice.”
Every human has doubts about themselves from time to time. It is how we deal with them that sets us apart. Try not to resist your insecurities or condemn yourself for your flaws; instead embrace them. Accept them.
“Because claiming all parts of yourself — including the flaws and “unattractive” parts — is the ultimate act of self-love. By embracing all of who you are, you naturally inspire others to embrace all of you, too.
When you appreciate yourself and embrace all of who you are, you will inspire others to treat you with same qualities, too. Now that’s what becoming highly attractive is all about.”
These are the steps that I am applying daily, and it is not simple. We all have our bad days occasionally but if you put yourself as a priority and treat yourself. Then you will feel invincible.
Hope y’all enjoyed this xxoo
P.S. To the ones that I said I’ll break my celibacy at the end of this year – it will happen when it happens. I don’t need a time limit :p
Inspired and quoted by: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20726/4-qualities-of-highly-attractive-people.html
Also read: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17829/how-to-master-selfacceptance.html